"We Can” simply not have a good time when the Drama Queen is spinning! as told by Circuit Diva Sofonda Peters in the August - September 2009 issue of JustCircuit.mag
I am done.
I have had enough.
New York Pride has PUT ME THROUGH IT. But first things first…
Sofonda’s posse was enroute to the Peter Rauhofer produced “We Can” event at the world famous Roseland Ballroom. Making our way across town in our convoy of rainbow colored Hummer limousines, we managed to stop in for refreshments (it was a long drive from the Village) to check out DJ Drew Montalvo spin 7 Deadly Sins at Irving Plaza. I now wish I had stayed there all night long. This talented, gracious, HOTTIE of a DJ spun a great set and left me wanting more. Next year, Drew honey, Sofonda is all yours to have and hold. You deliver…I’ll produce.
We raced out abruptly after hearing of the door drama taking place at another event being held at the Nokia Theater. Star Jones pinged me that a GLBT television channel had “set up” an incident for their drama cams at the door to capture the expulsion of the glam Kevin Aviance. It got loud. It got dirty. Just what the night did NOT need…more made-up, publicity-seeking Circuit drama, not unlike the trash dumped onto the streets of the Gay Day weekend from a certain wig burning Circuit Snake who has now burned more bridges than the Allies in WWI.
I now hereby formally announce that Sofonda will no longer attend any event DJ Offer Nissim is spinning. EVER! Who knew the English translation for the name “Offer” was “NO SIR”?!! He has transformed into an over-rated, egotistical, self-centered sideshow. He has become notorious for his no-shows as of recent, and makes last minute demands for even more ridiculous amounts of money to show up. When he has actually shown at his scheduled events, he has disappointed and single-handedly brought down (and Girlfriend, I do mean DOWN…) the entire party mood. He did just that at Peter Rauhofer’s inaugural “We Can” event. She just bit the hand that feeds her in the US, Darlings. My dear Offer, your ego and your recent backstabbing of Peter Rauhofer may hurt you more than you know. THAT Austrian Karma is a bitch, sweetie….it’s WHACK. You’ll be singing, “I didn’t know Peter’s own strength” quicker than today’s Limewire transfer of that new dance track due out next year.
Perhaps someone should have brought her UP some DJ headsets that we NEVER see this Diva use. (He would certainly make a fine elevator attendant with that talented button pusher combined with his push-play talent.) Offer also appears to know all the words in this Israeli reality series. His regularly featured star singer Maya could use some Offer Nissim singing lessons, I might add. Have you ever seen a funeral director carry a screechy tune at the worst possible moment? We have now…. and Darlings, you get the picture. She put several thousand people THROUGH IT and nearly caused an accident as we all rushed the exits for refills on our Grey Goose and Stoli’s! Someone could get hurt. And our ears were already bleeding.
The “We Can” Pride Party had all the components to be THE event of the weekend. The masses had maintained a lot of positive anticipation for this event, having seen the ad in June’s issue of JustCircuit.mag. The stage was perfectly set to make this the party the boys would come back to year after year. It’s been quite some time since Roseland Ballroom had a good Circuit event. YEARS, dears, YEARS. The “We Can” event was set to sell itself. The reality is the negatives were as numerous as Offer’s number of illegally released bootlegs. It makes Sofonda tear up to have a such a great and historic venue, with no true competition for the night added together with thousands of anxious homos willing and happy to stand in line for over one hour, patiently waiting to get inside to see what all that noise is. To then have the event be such a disappointment - a big part due to the music and partially due to the Maya-n Ruin - is a crime of Circuit party passion, my little Circuiteers.
As the main event performer, Maya, the singing light post, was totally wrong, WRONG, WRONG for this event. With long-ass ballad after ballad to her lame performance (“Oh my God, is she getting ready faint? She’s the new Yoko OH NO!) to her bored back-up dancers thinking we didn’t see them on their GRINDR IPhone apps as they performed, (We were 12 feet, 7 inches from the closest horn-ee dancer, it said.) We (and by “we” I mean the entire dance floor audience that was ready to party) were as sober as a first grade Sunday school class when she finally finished wailing. I had long since hit a wailing wall with this experience. I am sending Ms. “Ma-YAWN” an invoice for my party expenses. Stat. Don’t believe me? Go check it out on YouTube.com. We are still werking our WHATEVA’S weeks after as we now wave goodbye to the Israeli based Diva-duo as they shot back across the Atlantic in First Class seats to the safety of Tel Aviv.
WHATEVA!
The highlight of the evening? Superstar door guru and Arabian Nights welcome committee chairperson extraordinaire Alan T!. Our chief Circuit Therapist. He is all things to all homos and for such a large event, his sheep herding kept things flowing, smooth and organized at the door and later knocked everyone’s socks off with his performance inside at the event. Alan T. is one hot rocket of love, talent, and testosterone. No one else at the door mattered to Sofonda, including some pushy Adams Family-like character that just made me want to shake her until her tooth fell out.
Peter Rauhofer was there the night of his “We Can” party and must have sensed things were not right (no one was dancing; people were getting quite vocal with their displeasure; glares at the DJ) yet he was seemingly helpless to correct it. This was his event. He had a really big opportunity to make his very own New York Pride Weekend mark on the city. His mission was to electrify this year’s crowd of boys and have them begging for more next year. Now unfortunately, I doubt people will shell out that $100 per ticket to attend this dark cloud event again. Don’t get me wrong, tickets will sell next year but it won’t be the do-or-die event we had hoped this year. Those Broadway Theater seats are looking much more promising and talented that than Offer Nissim’s DJ Booth.
As we finally escaped Roseland Ballroom, my playmates and I, the seasoned partygoers that we are, sat in the cab on the way back home to our lovely pied-à-terre in Chelsea, and looked at each other saying at the very same moment…"THAT was not fun." In addition to Maya, the event also set a bad tone for the rest of the weekend. My sweeties, Offer will NEVER screw me without lube again.
Love-n-Kisses,
Sofonda Peters
Sofonda Peters is a regular Circuit contributor to JustCircuit.mag and has been heard on radio stations across the US and is a fixture in Circuit Parties everywhere. You may see Sofonda at any time and at any event around the world. Most mistake her entourage as that of Brittany Spears, Madonna or Cher's. The views of Sofonda Peters are not necessarily the views of JustCircuit.mag, its staff or its advertisers. Sofonda Peters ©JustCircuit, LLC 2009 All Rights Reserved.